Whether the fear stemmed from experiencing what kind of damage that indulgence into what the status quo would refer to as evil, bad... qualities of my self, or if the fear is the rationalized fears of others... all I know the fear of facing powerful and seductive energy of the feminine being has caused me some inner turmoil. The unknown, for me is my greatest fear, to not have an idea of what the outcome will be makes it hard to want to face my own transformation.
When things change there always seems to be some losses and the feeling of some kind of loss, but ultimately it's to make room for some gains.
As a youth I was often labeled delinquent, and at the onset of my early adult hood I had to fight against old habits of delinquent and immature coping mechanisms. Now cycling into my later 20's I feel a shift, a transformation... old temptation doesn't feel as appealing anymore, but believe you me new temptations have taken its place. I feel more equip to handle situation that once felt overwhelming but at the same time have to let go because the journey ahead of me needs the space for new situations and experiences.
The transformation is another death... then of course "The Rebirth of Nina Parks"