Hard to Face Death::: Pin Me Up Series::: Photo By Emmanuel Blackwell

In August of 2010 the drive to further explore my identity was strong, that drive led me straight into a high speed car chase against myself, causing me to come head to head with aspects of myself that I can honestly say that I feared.

Whether the fear stemmed from experiencing what kind of damage that indulgence into what the status quo would refer to as evil, bad... qualities of my self, or if the fear is the rationalized fears of others... all I know the fear of facing powerful and seductive energy of the feminine being has caused me some inner turmoil. The unknown, for me is my greatest fear, to not have an idea of what the outcome will be makes it hard to want to face my own transformation.

When things change there always seems to be some losses and the feeling of some kind of loss, but ultimately it's to make room for some gains.

As a youth I was often labeled delinquent, and at the onset of my early adult hood I had to fight against old habits of delinquent and immature coping mechanisms. Now cycling into my later 20's I feel a shift, a transformation... old temptation doesn't feel as appealing anymore, but believe you me new temptations have taken its place. I feel more equip to handle situation that once felt overwhelming but at the same time have to let go because the journey ahead of me needs the space for new situations and experiences.

The transformation is another death... then of course "The Rebirth of Nina Parks"

Lost Ones

(photo taken from Pretty Blacks Myspace)

Aspiring rapper slain in East Oakland

FROM STAFF REPORTS

Article Created: 05/31/2008 10:18:04 AM PDT

OAKLAND — A 25-year-old San Leandro man who police were told was a promising rapper was shot to death Friday night at an East Oakland apartment complex.

Ayoola Matthew Odumuyiwa, who police were told performed under the name Pretty Black, was found with multiple gunshot wounds about 9:44 p.m. Friday in an apartment complex in the 2600 block of Alvingroom Court, off MacArthur Boulevard not far from Castlemont High School.

He was pronounced dead at the scene.

Sgt. John Parkinson said Saturday that Odumuyiwa had relatives who lived in the complex. He said police are not sure how long he had been there or why he was shot. No arrests had been made.

Parkinson said police were told by relatives and friends that Odumuyiwa had appeared in some rap videos and had made some CDs.

The killing was Oakland's 56th homicide of the year. Last year at this time there were 40 homicides.

Police and Crime Stoppers of Oakland are offering up to $10,000 in reward money for information leading to the arrest of the killer. Anyone with information can call police at 238-3821 or Crime Stoppers at 777-8572 or 777-3211.

My condolences go out to Black's Family and Friends. From my own experience death has a place as a muse for the living, now ya'll have to live twice as long and accomplish twice as much if not more than Black had in his short but memorable time here on this earth. Life is a crap shoot you never know when your luck is going to run out. Time is precious. And one thing that you can't get more of, spend it wisely. Rhyme in Paridise. Pretty Black. Also R.I.P Puma Rest in Paradise.