When I was younger (13 +) getting to know someone was a game, we all made ourselves available at social events, at the bus stop, at the mall, at the church dances, etc..., and at the end of the day my youthful cohort of hormone driven adolescent teens would all get back together and see how many numbers we were able to pull or that we gave. But, as youngsters, still naive and inexperienced we found ourselves in some fucked up situations with people that had more issues than we wanted to handle... or visa versa (face it we all got issues)
Either way the filtering process was long and exhausting. I can remember countless nights with my BFF crying about my waisted time on a stupid boy who didn't deserve me and my nights alone plotting an exact revenge on the person who shattered my heart.
At any rate my right of passage into my romantic life has been nothing short of a tragic comedy with a twist of adventure. And in this great love adventure I've seen the transition of the "getting to know you process."
Once the filtering process consisted of late night phone convos and after school hang outs. Now it's myspace, face book and twitter. (Windows into a persons very intimate world inside of their dome)
In a conversation with troubl.org 's mastermind Johan while sipping cocktails on a warm NYC night in Tribeca, he brought up that there used to be an etiquette, rules of conduct if you will. The parent phone voice to get through the first level of interaction, did this person know how to talk to my mom or dad so that they would hand me the phone?
With access to cell phone email and these social networking sites there is an easy access to communication and the rules of conduct have changed. So, here is the new question... what is appropriate and not appropriate?
Is it fair for potential significant others to use interaction on Facebook as points in a disagreement?
How do online social networks effect the dating experience?
In my last significant relationship, my significant other was very judgemental of my interaction on my social network, seeing that most of my time was spent with him (not a healthy dating habit) I kept up with friends current events via Internet social networks... but his sentiment was that social networks were for cheaters ( a judgement based on what his friends used it for and having no roots in my history of social networking) this lead to a lack of trust in our relationship and a feeling of being unnecessarily judged by a loved one.
After talking to youth and many other friends it seems like many peoples relationships are being effected by interactions on social networks.
A girlfriend of mine had a throw down character argument with her on and off man based on a photo that was posted and misinterpreted on his facebok page.
What are the do's and don't of social networks in the dating experience? I want to hear from you.
2 comments:
I advise individuals to ask what is and what is not acceptable in regards to social networking in a relationship. Everyone has his or her own standards. Being clear from the jump, but open to compromise as new concerns arise is the healthiest way to manage.
Insecurity is insecurity but as someone who had a girlfriend who still uses Facebook as an escort service, certain assumptions aren't far-fetched.
But I will say if two people aren't on the same status in social networking, then that is a compatibility issue. Off jump.
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